I have had the pleasure of working with some great leaders in
both the corporate and nonprofit sectors, and one trait I have
noticed that they all tend to share is that they know how to
ask the right questions. Parents are always asking me, “What
can I say to my children to get them to...?” We often seem
to obsess over what we are going to say to children, when in
fact we need to shift our focus and instead listen to what they
have to say to us. They are, however, unlikely to just come
into the room and start talking. We need to develop the art of
drawing them out, and the right question will turn to conversation
every time. At other times we need to be able to use
the right questions to get young people to think about themselves
and their lives in a way that is different from the perspectives
they get from their friends or the culture.
It is fascinating to me that if a five- or six-year-old child
comes to you and asks “Can I do this?” or “Can I have
that?,” and you in turn ask them “Will it help you become
the-best-version-of-yourself?,” they know instantly.
Even if the child has never heard the phrase before, if he or
she is old enough to understand the concept, the child knows
instantly. The reason is because this dream is already within
them, and within you and me. The idea of becoming the-
best-version-of-yourself is not something I am trying to impose
upon you. I am simply trying to draw it out of you. In
the same way, you don’t need to impose it upon your children.
It’s already within them. Your role is simply to draw it
out. Questions can play a powerful role in helping children
discover the-best-version-of-themselves.
Life is as much about the questions we ask as it is about
the answers we find. In fact, the questions we ask of life are
more important than the answers we find, because if you ask
the wrong questions you always get the wrong answers. This
is one of the serious defects of the modern popular culture
that today’s young people find themselves immersed in. The
problem in our society today is that we are asking all the
wrong questions.
Matthew Kelly
From Building Better Families
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