The Secret to Great Relationships
A tree with strong roots can weather any storm. If you have not
done so already, the day to start growing those roots is today.
Gratitude, respect, and discipline are three powerful ways to
ground and nurture your relationships. But keep in mind also, that
trees sway in the wind. They are not rigid. Even the largest and
strongest trees sway when the wind blows. Allow for uncertainty;
you can be sure it will come. Find the lesson in the unexpected; it
has come to help you in your quest to become the-best-version-
of-yourself. Try to enjoy mystery; it will keep you young.
The present culture despises uncertainty, and so we waste endless
amounts of time and energy trying to create the illusion of security
and attempting to control the uncontrollable. We curse the
unexpected because it interferes with our plans, even though it
often carries with it the challenge we need at that moment to
change and to grow into a-better-version-of-ourselves. In the same
way, our culture has no time for mystery. If we cannot solve it or
prove it, then we ignore it or discredit it.
“Life is not a problem to be solved, it is a mystery to be lived,”
wrote Kierkegaard. Your spouse is not a problem to be solved, your
children are not problems to be solved, your boyfriend or girlfriend,
your partner or fiancé is not a problem to be solved. They
are mysteries to be accepted, encouraged, experienced, and enjoyed.
Relationships are not to be understood and fixed and solved;
they, too, are mysteries to be enjoyed.
The best participants in the mystery we call relationship seem
to be the people who don’t need to understand everything, the
ones who aren’t out to prove anything, those humble enough to accept
when they are wrong and hold their tongues when they are
right, the people who don’t have an agenda, who aren’t in a hurry,
and who don’t need the credit when things go right and don’t pass
the blame when things go wrong.
These are the rare souls who seem to be able to hold their arms
wide open and embrace fully the mystery of loving and the joy of
From The Seven Levels of Intimacy
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